Rachel Anthony, Trauma Therapist at Flourish and Flow, discusses interpersonal trauma.

Have you ever experienced something that left you feeling unsage in your body or unsure of who to trust?

When harm comes through connection, whether through a relationship, a violation, or an abuse of power, it can change how we move through the world.

Interpersonal trauma often leaves invisible wounds. It can deeply impact your sense of safety, trust, and identity, and yet it can be difficult to recognise.

What Is Interpersonal Trauma?

Interpersonal trauma refers to harm caused by another person whether through a close relationship, a position of power, or a violating act.

It can look like:

• Emotional neglect or abuse
• Manipulation, gaslighting, or coercive control
• Betrayal in romantic or close friendships
• Sexual assault or harassment — including by strangers
• Childhood abuse (emotional, physical, or sexual)
• Bullying or workplace harassment
• Domestic violence or toxic relationships
• Unsafe or unpredictable caregiving environments

This kind of trauma can shake the foundations of how we view ourselves, the world around us, and our beliefs.
It’s not just the event that causes harm, it’s the aftermath, the loss of trust, and the patterns we carry forward to protect ourselves.

One of the most painful aspects of interpersonal trauma is how hard it can be to speak about. Shame, stigma, fear of not being believed, or worries about disrupting family dynamics or close relationships often keep people silent for years.
Some worry they’re being dramatic. Others have internalised blame or minimised their experience.
In many cases, there’s also a very real concern for safety; emotional, physical, or relational, and that makes disclosure difficult.

If this is something you relate to, please know: your story matters, and your pain is valid even if you’ve never spoken it aloud.

How Interpersonal Trauma Shows Up in Daily Life

You might not always name it as trauma. Instead, you may notice:

• Feeling like you're “too much” or “not enough”
• Difficulty trusting others, even when they seem safe
• Fear of vulnerability or being “seen”
• Over-explaining, people-pleasing, or emotional shutdown
• Struggling to say no or hold boundaries
• Guilt, shame, or a lingering sense of being “damaged”

These responses aren’t flaws, they’re survival strategies.
Your body and mind adapted in intelligent ways to help you navigate unsafe experiences.

Many of these experiences fall under the umbrella of what we call trauma responses, and in some cases, may align with the diagnostic criteria for Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD). This can include:

1. Intrusive symptoms – like flashbacks, nightmares, or unwanted memories
2. Avoidance – of reminders, thoughts, or emotions linked to the trauma
3. Changes in mood and thinking – including numbness, guilt, shame, or disconnection from others
4. Arousal and reactivity – such as hypervigilance, irritability, or being easily startled

Even without a formal diagnosis, many people impacted by interpersonal trauma live with these symptoms daily (sometimes for years) without recognising them as trauma-related. Naming this is the first step toward healing it.

Why Talking Alone Isn’t Always Enough

When trauma is interpersonal, it often leaves imprints not just in your thoughts, but in your body and nervous system. You might know something “wasn’t your fault,” but still feel like it was.

While talk therapy can be incredibly helpful, it doesn’t always reach the deeper layers where trauma lives; the embodied reactions, emotional flashbacks, and stuck survival responses.

That’s why I use Compassion-Focused EMDR therapy, a holistic approach that helps you process trauma on every level: mind, body, and spirit.

What Is Compassion-Focused EMDR?

EMDR (Eye Movement Desensitisation and Reprocessing) is one of the most widely researched and effective therapies for trauma. It uses bilateral stimulation (such as eye movements or tapping) to help the brain reprocess overwhelming or stuck memories, allowing them to lose their emotional intensity.

EMDR is particularly effective for:

• PTSD and complex trauma
• Childhood or attachment-related trauma
• Sexual assault or interpersonal violence
• Chronic anxiety rooted in past experiences
• Other traumas including: car accidents, natural disasters,

Compassion-Focused Therapy (CFT) works alongside EMDR to soften shame, build inner safety, and help you develop a kind, supportive relationship with yourself especially when self-blame or self-criticism show up.

Together, they create a space for healing that’s both structured and deeply nurturing.

The Shifts I Witness Through This Work

I’ve seen this approach truly change lives. Clients who once felt stuck in fear, shame, or emotional shutdown begin to reconnect with a sense of agency, worthiness, and calm.

They move from:

• Hypervigilance to presence
• Self-blame to self-understanding
• Shutdown to emotional safety
• Chronic anxiety to inner calm
• Disconnection to self-connection and self-trust
• High self-criticism to more self-compassion and self-love
• Repeating unhealthy patterns to setting clear, empowered boundaries
• Narrow, fearful thinking to expanded perspectives on themselves and the world
• Hopelessness and numbness to hope and excitement for the future

A Holistic Approach to Healing

Whether or not you're ready for therapy, you can begin reconnecting with yourself through small, meaningful practices.

In Compassion-Focused EMDR therapy, we work holistically; targeting mind, body, and spirit through somatic exercises, visualisation, and grounding techniques that support healing from the inside out.

Here are a few examples:

1. Soothing Touch and Breath
Place a hand on your heart or wrap your arms around yourself giving yourself a big hug (you can rub your arms or rock yourself if that feels good for you).
Breathe deeply, slowly and gently. If it helps, close your eyes and tell yourself:
“I’m here. I’m safe now.”
This helps calm the nervous system and reconnect to inner safety.

2. Compassionate Friend Visualisation
Imagine a warm, wise, and caring presence beside you. This could be a real person, an animal, a spiritual figure, or even your future self. Imagine all the traits of compassion and love they hold and allow this being offer you comfort and compassion in whatever way you need right now.

3. Grounding Through the Senses
Grounding exercises help anchor you in the present moment, especially when you're feeling overwhelmed or disconnected. For example: name 5 things you can see, 4 you can touch, 3 you can hear, 2 you can smell, and 1 you can taste. Really stay focused on each thing for at least a few moments to be really present with it.

4. Journaling or Letter Writing
These types of practices can help us process our thoughts and feelings and deepen out connection to ourself. Write a letter to a younger version of yourself for something difficult they experienced offering them love, compassion and support. This practice can be a bridge to deeper connection, understanding, and healing.

You Are Not Broken: You are Healing

Your reactions, behaviours, and symptoms aren’t weaknesses, they’re survival strategies. They were your body and mind’s way of getting you through what felt overwhelming, unsafe, or out of your control. These are normal responses to abnormal experiences. What often hasn’t happened yet is the opportunity to fully process, make meaning of, and gently integrate what you’ve been through.
Therapy can offer a space for that. A space where healing, understanding, and reconnection become possible.

If you feel drawn to this approach, I offer online Compassion-Focused EMDR sessions and a free 15-minute connection call to explore whether it’s the right fit for you. Please contact me here: info@flourishandflow.com.au

With love and compassion,
Rachel
www.flourishandflow.com.au
@flourish_and_flow