All names have been changed, to respect their privacy.

I’ve had cold sores on my lips for as long as I can remember - albeit I don’t have a great memory of my childhood. Both my parents get them, so I think I was either born with the gene, or contracted from my parents. It’s also possible that I contracted it when I used to kiss heaps of girls at school, when we were all around 5 years old. It could have been from any one of those interactions lol.

I never felt insecure about it, it was rather common and normal, though I hated getting them because they hurt and I would get quite sick. They also became more prevalent in my life when I became sexually active. When I was 20 I was unknowingly shedding and passed the virus (HSV-1) onto my partner genitally - who then passed it back to me genitally.

Neither of us were aware or had any clue for quite some time as the symptom for me was quite minor, just a thin cut at the bottom of my vulva that would sting especially if urine dribbled past it. My partner had more severe symptoms, as he had never had any cold sore breakouts before. He got a serology test done, and his diagnosis was confirmed, though either of us have had a breakout since.

After being diagnosed with HSV1 genitally, I had a big journey ahead of me. Honestly, my entire world changed. I experienced a lot of shame, whilst also holding my partner through the entire experience. This is actually when I did my first CIMS video call and ended up nude modelling for a vulva drawing class! You, and the other women in the call taught me sooooo much about herpes and really helped clear out the shame and embarrassment I felt. It also taught me new language to use when talking about herpes, and confidence in myself when sharing my story.

I ended up practising “intentional celibacy” for nine months. I had found myself completely disconnected from my pussy and Eros. I was questioning everything I knew about myself and my pleasure senses, questioning my sexuality and if I even had one anymore. Eventually I returned to the connection with a profound devotion and respect for love, sex, and pleasure.

When I “broke” my celibacy - it was the first time I ever had to share with someone that I had genital herpes. I had spoken about this moment for months knowing that at some point it would happen. However, when push came to shove - I didn’t do it, I didn’t tell him. I had many excuses, fears, and reasons why. At the forefront, I was terrified of his rejection. So I said nothing, we kissed, it evolved, and we had beautiful loving sex, then spent the night cuddled up. In the morning we woke to kisses and weary eyes. He was blissfully unaware, while I had a sore throat because I hadn't communicated something I knew I should have. I just came out with it. I told him from beginning to end and everything in between.

I told him everything I knew, in the most sincere, calm and honest way I could. He doesn't carry the herpes virus and didn’t know much else, except that it was “scary and gross” so he was shaken up. While I was in the shower he left, and went to his van. When I got out, he’d come back and his breath smelt of oregano oil. I had to ask ‘have you just guzzled some oregano oil?’. Keep in mind I had no active breakouts, had been celibate for 9 months, had no breakouts since the first one, and none on my mouth that entire time. The probability of him contracting it was zero. However, he was stressed, so got tested and all was fine. We ended up becoming pretty good friends, slept together a few times and are still friends now. I did carry shame, embarrassment, and guilt around not being able to say anything in the first place though. I was also simultaneously angry at him for not accepting what it was, while understanding that what I had done was wrong. It was a complex situation.

It’s been a few years now, since all of this happened, and my outlook on sex has changed massively to how it once was. I don’t sleep around or have one night stands anymore, and I’m honest about my sexual history and my current health status. I also talk to my partners and anyone who is willing to listen and have these conversations.