All names have been changed, to respect their privacy.

I didn’t know my boyfriend of one year got cold sores, until he told me when he had an active one. We were very careful not to kiss or share a glass, and when we had sex we made sure he didn’t go down on me, to avoid any potential transfer. We weren’t careful enough though, because a week later I had my first (and so far only) herpes outbreak.

It was so painful and my vulva was so swollen I couldn’t walk or go to the gym. Even getting up and down from sitting was painful. I had no idea what it was because the first sore on the inside of my outer labia had a white head that looked like a pimple but was wider and sore to the touch. Then I realised there was a second one in the entrance of my vagina, which I thought was just a small tear from intercourse, as it stung when pee got on it, but I soon realised it too had a small white head.

I was somewhat in denial but when my boyfriend and I were searching for images of herpes outbreaks, none of them looked like mine. They were all small clear blisters in clusters, so it couldn’t be that, right? The next day I had my third and final sore right beside my clitoris, this one was itchy and the blister burst and looked like an open ulcer, more stereotypical of herpes. I went to my GP and immediately got tested, through embarrassing tears in her office. She put me on antivirals right away, as there’s no downside to taking them if you’re negative, and also prescribed me salt water baths. The next day it had all started getting better, and I was called back into the doctor. She gave me the heartbreaking news, but this time I didn’t cry, because I just knew I had it.

It’s been 3 months and I haven’t had another outbreak. My boyfriend and I broke up for other reasons, and now it feels like I have a ‘prior to herpes life’ and a ‘post herpes life’. I’m not sure how to date again, because I know I’m going to get rejected and I may never find someone who’s ok with this. I try to put it in perspective that there are people who have circumstances that make it harder than me to date, but potential dates will be scared to catch this off me. I didn’t even sleep around unprotected, this was a terrible accident from my long term boyfriend, just because he had a cold sore, and we thought we were being careful enough. Now I feel dirty, and like the stigma is tattooed on my forehead with concealer over the top. If I take a makeup wipe to it, everybody in the world will judge me and not want to be near me or touch me.

The irony is those with cold sores (HSV1) never have to disclose they have cold sores when it’s not active, but those of us with genital HSV1 (literally the exact same virus just effecting a different part of the body) have to morally disclose, as well as carry around the stigma.