Pleasure Activist Penny van der Sluys explores how menopause can be a final homecoming.

I was 41 when I first experienced the feeling of coming home. I walked into a women’s circle and it was like opening a door to parts of myself I didn’t know were missing. I exhaled. I softened. Something inside of me knew: this is what I had been searching for. That space didn’t just hold me. It awakened something I had long forgotten. And I’ve been remembering ever since.

It dawned on me that in over 20 years of working in psychology, HR, and the community sector, no one had spoken about the power of connection with our body, soul, or spirit, let alone the value of our cyclical, intuitive, body-led wisdom. These superpowers were hidden, overlooked, under-appreciated. No surprise, given our systems reward achievement, linear thinking, and relentless doing.

We were shown that feminism meant doing what men did, just better. Power suits. Pushing through. Ignoring the body. Severing cyclic intelligence. But the women I admired most didn’t try to fit in. They stood out. They were brave. Risk-takers. Boundary-pushers. And all of them practiced embodiment. I didn’t even know what that meant. I had to look it up.

What I’ve discovered through menopause is that coming home isn’t something to master. It’s a softening. A remembering. A return to the quiet language of body, soul, and spirit. It’s not about becoming someone new. It’s about returning to who you already are. Here are five invitations to help you come back to yourself, gently, powerfully, and in your own time.

1. Reconnect With the Sacred Parts of Your Body
This isn’t about loving your reflection in the mirror or celebrating your curves. This is deeper. It’s about coming back into relationship with the parts of you that have been covered, silenced, sexualised, or simply never appreciated. Your breasts. Your vulva. Your vagina. Your womb. Your pelvic bowl, the seat of power, creation, pleasure, and knowing. These are the parts we’ve ignored unless they were bleeding, birthing, or being medicalised. Menopause brings us face-to-face with them. And gives us a choice: shut down further, or come home.

Embodied Action: Place your hand on your lower belly. Breathe. Ask, What do you need me to know? How can I support you today? Touch your breasts gently. Rest a hand on your heart. Listen. You might hear something, or not. Your presence alone is powerful.

2. Come Back to Community
We’ve been taught independence is strength. That asking for help is weakness. But life was never meant to be lived alone. Across cultures and time, women have gathered to mark transitions, to share stories and be supported. Menopause is one of those moments. For eight years, I sat in circle with women. We cried, laughed, raged, softened. We didn’t always know what we needed, but showing up was enough. Circle became a tonic. It offered healing. It showed us home. In a culture obsessed with individualism, connection can feel radical. But it’s critical. It’s how we rediscover who we are.

Embodied Action: Find or create a space where you can exhale. Online or in person. Formal or casual. Ask yourself, Where am I trying to do it all alone? What kind of space lets me just be? You deserve to be seen and celebrated. Community isn’t just support. It’s your evolution.

3. Honour the Wisdom of Your Soul + Spirit
There’s a point when doing all the right things stops working. The roles, the routines, they start to feel restrictive. That’s your soul stirring. She’s tired of performing. She’s craving truth. Perimenopause and menopause are a doorway. The invitation is to slow down and walk through it. That might begin with rupture or longing. But it’s also a time to reconnect with the sacred, with Earth, with the elements, with the divine.

Embodied Action: Make time for nature. Let it be simple. Feel the air on your skin. Notice birds, bugs, plants. Listen. Tune in. This is sacred noticing. A remembering that you belong. This phase isn’t reinvention. It’s realignment.

4. Reawaken Sensuality + Pleasure (On Your Own Terms)
Sensuality is part of who you are, and many of us have forgotten that. Without it, we’re unplugged. Life force energy doesn’t flow. You don’t need to feel sexy. You just need to start feeling, on your own terms. Pleasure can live in everything. Even the boring, painful, or hard. Your body deserves to feel good.

Embodied Action: Give your senses something to savour each day. What’s one thing that would bring you delight right now? Your pleasure is your birthright. It lives in the little moments. Let it grow.

A Final Homecoming
This isn’t about fixing yourself. It’s about returning, to the wisdom in your womb, the knowing in your bones, the voice you’ve silenced, the pleasure you’ve postponed. You’re not falling apart. You’re coming home. Let that land in your body. Let it stir something in your cells. Let this be your return.

About Penny
Penny van der Sluys is a certified Somatic Sex Coach, NLP Master Coach, and writer who supports women to reconnect with their bodies, reclaim their sensuality, and move through midlife feeling wild, wise, and fully awake. Her work blends embodiment, mindset, community, and a deep trust in nature’s rhythms to help women feel more at home in themselves than ever before.
🌿 www.pennyvandersluys.com
📸 Instagram: @pennyvandersluys