Pleasure Activist Penny van der Sluys explores what it really means to feel at home in your body through the lens of menopause.

Exploring what it means to be comfortable in my skin has been at the heart of my menopause journey.

It’s been a process of stripping back. Letting go of expectations. The “shoulds.” The roles I’d outgrown. And returning to what’s real.

To who I am when I stop pretending, proving, or pleasing.

I’ve chosen to trust my body. To trust nature’s rhythms. To meet this transition as something sacred, not broken.

And when I speak about menopause, I’m also speaking about perimenopause – the often subtle and silent years leading up to menopause when so many physical, emotional, and energetic changes begin. This phase can last anywhere from 2 to 10+ years. So if you’re feeling it, you’re not imagining it – and you’re not alone.

We’re told menopause is a menace.
That it messes you up.
That it’s something to survive.

We hear it’ll wreck our relationships, hijack our bodies, and strip us of joy, desire, and identity. That it’s something to dread, tolerate, and get through.

But what if you knew that’s only one story – and it doesn’t have to be yours?

Menopause isn’t one-size-fits-all.
Just like puberty, pregnancy, parenting, and life itself aren’t one-size-fits-all.

It is a period of change.
A rite of passage.
A profound awakening.

And while we can’t control every symptom or bypass every challenge, we can choose how we meet this transition:

• The stories we carry

• The mindset we cultivate

• The care we offer our bodies

• The support we welcome in

Here are seven invitations – not prescriptions, but gentle doorways – to help you reclaim menopause as a radical return to yourself.

1. Create a Relationship With Your Body
What is it wanting you to know?

Menopause often amplifies the body’s voice. The hot flushes. The restlessness. The shifts in sleep or mood – they’re not failures to be fixed, but messages to be heard.

We’ve been taught to push through, numb, and override. But what if you asked:
What are you trying to tell me, body?
What have I been ignoring that now wants my attention?

This is the moment to listen with tenderness. To treat your body as an ally rather than a problem.

2. Tune Into Your Own Needs and Desires

This is a time to turn inward – to listen for what you want and need, rather than what the world expects.

For many, that looks like reclaiming pleasure.
Not just sexual, but sensual. Creative. Playful.

It might mean resting more. Saying ‘no’ more. Making art. Moving your body. Surrounding yourself with beauty.

The drop in oestrogen reduces our tendency to accommodate and smooth things over. That shift can open a powerful space to ask:
What do I want now?
What lights me up, nourishes me, and makes me feel alive?

3. Understand That Your Brain and Hormones Are Adapting for a Purpose

We’re often told menopause damages the brain – with jokes about brain fog and forgetfulness.

But research shows something far more fascinating: the brain is rewiring. Pruning what’s no longer needed. Preparing you for a new phase of life.

This transformation is purposeful.
Historically, post-menopausal women have taken on essential social roles – as caregivers, wisdom keepers, and community anchors. Our biology supports this shift.

Interestingly, while oestrogen drops, hormones like FSH and LH – which peak during ovulation – stabilise at those levels post-menopause.

And here’s the magic: ovulation is when many of us feel most magnetic and vibrant.
After menopause, those qualities don’t disappear – they become more consistently available.

Instead of mourning who you were, honour who you are becoming. With clarity. Presence. Purpose.

4. Welcome What’s Rising to Be Healed

Many symptoms we associate with menopause – mood swings, anxiety, insomnia, irritability – are the body’s way of signalling something deeper.

Unprocessed grief. Unspoken resentment. Past traumas. Unmet needs.

They rise, not to punish you, but to be seen, felt, and released.

This is not a breakdown. It’s the body saying: I’m ready to be free of this.

What might you be carrying that’s asking to be cleared – with compassion, support, and truth?

5. Lighten the Load – Body and Environment

Our liver processes hormones and environmental toxins.
When it’s overloaded – by alcohol, caffeine, chemicals, or stress – hormonal balance suffers.

When I truly began listening to my body, it felt obvious to stop drinking alcohol. To eliminate caffeine. To shift to a mostly plant-based diet.

It wasn’t about perfection.
It was about alignment.
Choosing what made me feel healthy, vital, and alive.

6. Balance Doing and Being

We live in a world that glorifies overachieving. Menopause invites us to restore what’s missing – rest, softness, space to just be.

Many traditions speak of yang as outward, productive energy, and yin as inward, receptive energy. Most of us have lived lopsided.

Menopause offers a course correction.
Softness is not failure – it’s medicine.
Receiving is not weakness – it’s sacred.

7. Question the ‘Shoulds’ and Choose Powerfully

By midlife, we’ve collected a lifetime of “shoulds.” About how to look, behave, parent, perform.

Menopause offers a flame to burn off those layers.

Ask yourself:
What’s true for me now?
What do I want to keep?
What am I ready to release?

For me, it meant walking away from a corporate career and choosing to follow my heart.

It was one of the most liberating decisions of my life – and one that brought me home to myself.

A Homecoming to Yourself

Menopause is not an ending.
It’s an initiation. A rite of passage. A return to your deepest self.

There’s no one right way to move through this portal.
There’s only your way.

So pause and ask:
• What story am I ready to let go of?
• What truth am I ready to honour?
• What part of me is calling to come home?

About Penny
Penny van der Sluys is a certified Somatic Sex Coach, NLP Master Coach, and writer who supports women to reconnect with their bodies, reclaim their sensuality, and move through midlife feeling wild, wise, and fully awake. Her work blends embodiment, mindset, community, and a deep trust in nature’s rhythms to help women feel more at home in themselves than ever before.

🌿 www.pennyvandersluys.com
📸 Instagram: @pennyvandersluys