In this blog, a Comfortable In My Skin friend shares her anonymous story about being diagnosed with herpes.

Following an intimate encounter without protection, I decided to undergo a routine health checkup. Little did I know what awaited me. The diagnosis of HSV was delivered to me by a doctor whose broken English still echoes in my mind, "You will get blisters down there that will turn into painful open sores." There I was, spiralling into a deep depression, with no one to talk to and doctors pushing me to take antidepressants to numb my thoughts.

The first person I confided in was my best friend. Then I told my parents, fearing their disappointment in me, the self-imposed judgement of being dirty and disgusting. Instead, they were so comforting, offering the biggest, warmest hugs imaginable. I am deeply grateful for my family's unconditional support and understanding.

 My thoughts about HSV continued to consume me daily.

I've visited numerous GPs for routine pap smears and health checkups. The advice I've received from professionals varied – from telling me to forget about the diagnosis and go on with life as normal to encouraging me to use a condom when I have an outbreak.

The advice I've received from professionals has varied over the years. Some have told me to forget the diagnosis and go on with life as normal. Some have said that if I don't have an outbreak, I don't need to use a condom. As I have never had an outbreak, one GP suggested that I could have been falsely diagnosed. Another doctor said that it's extremely common and nothing to stress over. 

If it's so common, why isn't there more conversation about it?

At the time of my diagnosis, there was a complete lack of resources or support groups. It wasn't until I stumbled upon Bek Antonucci and her social media account that everything changed. Bek plays a massive part in who I am today; I am immensely grateful for her impact on my life.

Several years after my diagnosis, I was on holiday and had been experiencing continuous bleeding. Following an internal ultrasound, the doctors

found two fibroids the size of golf balls - one on the inside of my uterus the other in the lining of my uterus. At the time, leaving them in there was deemed less risky than removing them. I was extremely worried about the implications for my future and the possibility of having children with a partner someday.

However, access to information and open conversations with friends quickly removed any concerns I originally had. It was a massive contrast to the lack of awareness and openness around HSV - if only we had more conversations and support surrounding HSV!

Eventually, I did begin to open up about my HSV. I decided to attend a women's wellness retreat, By chance, I met a girl from a small community 3000km away from the retreat location and mentioned to her that I was attending. To my surprise, she signed up to the retreat and we ended up sharing a room.

On the fourth day of the retreat, all eight inspiring women created a safe space to speak openly and without judgement. I attempted to speak unable to articulate my thoughts, feeling a heavy lump in my throat and a tightening sensation.

As the ceremony neared its end, I glanced at my friend. She looked unsettled like how I was feeling. In that moment I anticipated what she was about to share. When she uttered the three-letter word 'HSV', tears welled in my eyes, eventually streaming down my face. I felt an overwhelming release. The lump in my throat disappeared, and the words poured out effortlessly. It was as if my life had reset right then and there.

I'm extremely grateful for meeting my soul sister on the beach that day. She was brave in sharing her truth when I couldn't. Thank you for giving me the courage to speak up.

From that day I found it easier to discuss my experiences openly in larger groups of women, close friends and even men. I now feel empowered to engage in these conversations, particularly with potential sexual partners as I no longer feel shame. 

I’ve always been open to dating. I recently met a man through online dating and he confided in me that a past partner had HSV. While awaiting results, I could sense his anxiety, so I gently disclosed, ‘If it makes you feel any better, I have HSV’. Although his results came back negative the following week, we continued to chat, and now we are dating!

To anyone facing the challenges of living with HSV, I want to remind you that you are not alone. While it may feel overwhelming at times, remember that your diagnosis does not define you. You are strong, resilient, and deserve much love and support.

For support on your herpes journey, go here.
To submit a story, email ellie@comfortableinmyskin.com