“I was 13 when I started to worry about the appearance of my vagina.
After hearing guys at school talking about how disgusting ‘outies’ were, I realised I, in fact, had an ‘outie.’ I felt ashamed and embarrassed about my labia like there was something wrong with me. I felt so alone, I felt like I was the only one. It wasn't just the guys who would say that I would hear the girls joke about them, too. I felt this was a topic I couldn't talk to anyone about. I avoided intimacy with guys, the thought of them finding out I had an outie terrified me.
There was one night when I was about 14 and drunkenly let a guy finger me. The next morning was horrible. I felt sick with worry that he knew and was so scared I was going to be a joke to him and his friends.
I dreaded going to the beach as a teenager as all I could think about was the fact you could see I had an ‘outie’ when I had my bikini on, so I would try my best to hide it by not standing up and definitely not going in the ocean. At the age of 16, I got into a relationship. I was intimate with this person, but I never took my underwear off, even when we had sex, I would pull it to the side so he couldn't see my vagina. It was horrible and awful to feel so uncomfortable in your own skin. At the age of 17, I read about a procedure called labiaplasty. I was determined to have it done and that it would solve all my problems. I then opened up to my mum and told her about everything. I begged her to let me have it done right away and she said no.
I was so devastated that I burst into tears. I was determined, so when I turned 18, I came into some money and booked in for a consultation with a plastic surgeon. I was getting this done and no one could change my mind! The day arrived and I had my consultation - he showed me lots of photos of women's vaginas before and after. There were lots! Every vagina was different .. turns out I wasn't alone after all, but that didn't stop me. I booked in for surgery the next week.
The day after my surgery was very painful. My vagina had swelled up and was black and blue for a week before the swelling had gone down. Even after having the surgery, I was still critical of how it looked, sure I was happy, but I thought it could have been better.
I don't regret having it done however, I think if a book like this had been around when I was growing up, I would have thought about things a lot differently and I wouldn't have spent so many years feeling so alone. I would have saved myself a lot of money.
It has been 11 years since the surgery and I’ve come to realise that every vulva is different and that they come in all different sizes shapes and colours. They are all beautiful and every woman should love their vulva the way they are.”
Below are the before, during and after pictures from the surgery.
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